floundering around in the dark, 4.30am, and i found a piece of myself.. i knew i wouldn't be able to sleep, so i acted on it and flushed this fleeting memory of love onto paper.

holding the 'her', peeling away my stomach, squeezing all six of their lungs, and choking back the taste. i remembered.
- they're not dead.
[The Second] i could feel like a bullet, swallowed and sitting in my intestines, being carried away/forwards/in to me, by his/my brothers.

i feel so dead and shallow and grey sometimes. so unable to care about continuing, considering the future. when will i really arrive where i want to be. i can't possibly construct a future with my abilities and words. i tell myself these things over and over. -spying a dead, dark road ahead.


grey shallow pits in my insides, no matter how many claws i use to cleave away the dirty reds and browns, normally, i can't even find a bone!

but tonite i found a spark of love! i cried! i loved it so much, i wanted to fall in to a blanket of smiles and never wake up. which is why i've drawn you, second king, my passion.. cradled in the arms of my voice and my mind. you are too hard on yourself, and i know you are. you need to be on that stage, dancing, when i listen to music. just remember that without you, the rest of me can't function.

nights like these are so rare
the hope is gone again, but it felt amazing for 5 seconds
~b